pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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