you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize