come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
