We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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