Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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