I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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