he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
