Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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