I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
