I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
