he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Your face is a jimmy john
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize