I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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