i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
