Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
