I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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