People in love make me want to vomit
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
