T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
