I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
