At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
