erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
