im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
