sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
