i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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