no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
