Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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