My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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