Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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