Jerry, you need to find god
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
