You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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