girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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