My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
