Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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