you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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