Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
