we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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