you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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