just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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