thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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