Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
