I'm going to jail i love you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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