So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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