Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
