I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
