yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
