ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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