haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All the doctor said was why
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
