best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
