a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
