And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
