and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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