Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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