If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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