I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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