Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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