dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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