How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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