So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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