grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
