I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
