so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
