He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
