we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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