ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I deserve this hangover.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
