Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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