So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
