just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
