I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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