i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
