Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pants are for mortals
false alarm, still single
Randomize
