He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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