so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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