i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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